If only you knew how to stop being so hard on yourself.
Everyone has complexes, and they are present in everyday life.
As a whole, a person constantly demanding too much of themselves can find it difficult to silence their inner critic. These thoughts take precedence over better qualities. It is essential to accept one’s qualities, to see oneself differently and control thoughts and expect some disappointments.
They can sometimes poison our lives or serve as an excuse: we are too short or tall, we have protruding ears or too much belly, not enough hair, etc.
In short, complexes do not make life easier! So seek to understand how to stop being so hard on yourself.
Table of Contents
- 1 How to stop being so hard on yourself: Introduction
- 2 Is it a defect or a complex?
- 3 Become aware of your identity
- 4 Know how to see yourself differently
- 5 Don’t demand too much from yourself
- 6 The complexes can be a passage of pivotal periods
- 7 Moderate your thoughts
- 8 Disappointments and frustrations are inevitable
- 9 Avoid putting yourself in the background
- 10 Start with one outing per month at least
- 11 How to stop being so hard on yourself: Conclusion
How to stop being so hard on yourself: Introduction
Being complexed can be defined as denying a part of oneself. We can accept to find ourselves “imperfect,” “less good,” or “not good enough.”
Everything will depend on the way we will live this feeling of imperfection.
If a complex occupies all your space or all your thoughts, it is because it reveals much more profound suffering.
The first step to better living with it is to accept to understand its complexity. This questioning process will allow you to discover and learn more about yourself.
This article will try to understand why we are so complex and how to accept our complexes.
Is it a defect or a complex?
Some people don’t necessarily feel bad about not liking their hands or not having straight, white teeth. Indeed, not all complexes are equal: some come and go, while others can plague your life full-time.
Accepting one’s minor defects is a positive step to take! People who say they don’t have complexes rarely claim not to have any flaws. However, their defects do not permanently hinder them.
This is the opposite of the complex, which imposes itself as an impediment to life. The problem is not the defect itself but the fact that we are constantly thinking about it.
A first step in accepting your shortcomings is to look in the mirror while trying to see the positive side of things.
All this seems obvious, but these defects can sometimes poison us to the extent that they take precedence over qualities well present but which remain hidden.
Become aware of your identity
If you become self-aware or admit that it is impossible to resemble a celebrity, convince yourself that finally, you are very well as you are… All this can be soothing.
In the same vein, accepting to be “ordinary and imperfect” is a step. But to achieve this, we must also take a clear look at others.
Indeed, how many women on Earth are so perfect? How many men are so muscular? Was not being as tall as I dreamed of being a barrier to my success?
Taking stock allows you to stop burdening your complexes with the weight of your possible failures.
It is essential to realize that not being the size of a model does not mean you have failed a job interview!
It is better to dwell on the fact that the position may not have been a good match for our skills or that our work experience was insufficient. Our love handles have nothing to do with it!
Know how to see yourself differently
It is important to see the positive in you to overcome your inferiority complexes.
To do this, take a sheet of paper and write down your strengths and qualities. Don’t hesitate to ask people around you to add some.
Let yourself go and write everything down, be as generous as possible: the surprise is likely to be quite positive!
Don’t demand too much from yourself
Our society is focused on appearance, and you must look your best in all situations to feel comfortable.
Unfortunately, the bar is set so high in this area that it is difficult to reach, which can cause frustration.
Indeed, constantly setting goals that are not very achievable can lead to disappointment. As a result, demands become unrealistic and lead to suffering.
For example: “I want a thinner face, a less imposing nose and a cute little chin.”
When cosmetic surgery is performed only to meet a need related to appearance and to match a specific physical ideal, it won’t help.
Surgery will only change your physical appearance but will not cure the complex. It will naturally change because the objective is unattainable anyway.
The complexes can be a passage of pivotal periods
Sometimes complexes can come and go over time.
Indeed, they often appear during transition phases such as adolescence, the forties, or entering old age. From then on, the complexes act as pivotal passages.
There are moments of doubt during periods of reduced resistance, such as bereavement, redundancy, or separation.
Therefore, it is interesting to consider their significance when these events occur.
The trials of life are favorable to complexes. But with time, they fade away.
It is essential to distinguish between the critical situations we are confronted with and the complexes that have taken root over time, as this allows us to see things more clearly. This will answer the question ‘How to stop being so hard on yourself.’
Moderate your thoughts
The rules that govern our behavior and thinking can sometimes be burdensome: “You have to be like this and think like that.”
These kinds of obligations prevent us from affirming who we are. Recognizing the conditioning we are subjected to is a difficult step to take.
This conditioning often results from a series of events ranging from how parents are raised to societal dictates.
If our thoughts are usually about “too much of this” or “not enough of that,” it is because, at some point in our lives, a sentence or a situation has convinced us.
Moderation, combined with a certain openness of mind, allows us to get out of these clear-cut thinking patterns.
It is sometimes essential to look at oneself in a way that allows one to accept one’s differences.
We must learn to consider ourselves as a whole to not be reduced to this physical defect that causes our complex.
In reality, others see the whole person, and the person with a complex often forgets this. Understanding this will lead you to how to stop being so hard on yourself
Disappointments and frustrations are inevitable
In life, it is customary to be disappointed. Understanding that everyone is forced to live with a minimum of disappointments and accepting this state of affairs allows you to put things into perspective.
Everyone has to give up something or admit that they don’t have some quality or other. Fighting your frustrations at all costs can prevent you from taking advantage of your skills.
Trying to fight or ignore your disappointments leads you to talk only about your faults or complexes, and to forget your qualities or what others like about you.
To accept the disappointments and frustrations of life, it can be interesting to set goals in a specific area. For example:
- As part of your job, you must try to make one sale or place two loyalty cards in a day
- In your private life, you should try to call at least two girlfriends in the evening that you have neglected for some time, etc.
Specify goals or milestones to be reached when possible. As you achieve successes, record them.
When it’s time to take stock, you may not quite reach your goal, but you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that you’ve accomplished a great deal to get there and will be proud of yourself.
Avoid putting yourself in the background
If you cancel an outing because you are tired from the week, this can be a way to respect your own emotions.
However, the fear of being misjudged or misperceived can lead to avoidance or withdrawal.
Refusing to go to a party because you think you are ugly, badly dressed, or afraid of not knowing anyone is typical of a person with a complex about appearance or shyness.
By avoiding this type of event, the person with the complex is protecting themselves from a situation they dread.
But when this avoidance of social situations sets in, one can quickly fall into isolation.
And yet, it is essential to move and meet new people! If this becomes too difficult to do, the help of a therapist will be necessary.
Start with one outing per month at least
If you are afraid of going out and have become accustomed to refusing invitations, try this exercise: evaluate the outings proposed to you by choosing the one that will make you feel most comfortable.
For example, choose a night out with a friend and decide where to feel confident.
Then, try to broaden the scope of these parties: suggest going out with others, going to a bar for a drink. Gradually increase the frequency of these outings.
Eventually, you will learn to feel more relaxed in society until you are no longer afraid to go to a party where most guests will be strangers (attending a music festival with a tent, sleeping bag and camping chair can be a unique experience to make new friends by the way)! The more you do that the more you understand how to stop being so hard on yourself.
How to stop being so hard on yourself: Conclusion
Everyone has faults and is one day confronted with his complexes. These can be absolute nightmares in daily life, even if it means isolating oneself from the world.
However, one can live happily with one’s complexes by accepting oneself.
In today’s society, it is normal to compare with others but remember you are unique and that the most important thing is to feel good in your mind and body.