How many times have you thought ‘I am a loser’?
Some people think they suck. But why do they believe that? Initially, it would seem that this would be the consequence of an old prejudice that has been built up since childhood.
As a whole, people who feel that they are a loser feel stuck with no way out. To change that, they need to quiet that inner voice, be aware and appreciate their good qualities, and try to get out of prejudiced and self-destroying behaviors and habits.
For these people, there is no way out of feeling like a loser or a nobody. Indeed, it is a weight, an inner stain that they find difficult to change.
Table of Contents
- 1 I am a loser: Introduction
- 2 Feeling bad: Is it a prejudice or a rule of life?
- 3 The origins of feeling like a nobody
- 4 How does this prejudice persist?
- 5 The three thinking mechanisms
- 6 Negative thoughts and failure behaviors
- 7 I am a loser: Tips to regain your confidence
- 8 I am a loser: Conclusion
I am a loser: Introduction
When you feel you suck, it’s usually in a specific area such as a task at work, as a parent or in your relationship.
Feeling lousy can be defined as not feeling competent when unsuccessful in a field or when you are unable to complete an assignment.
Unfortunately, this feeling will make us lose confidence. That feeling of being a loser when you make a mistake at work, or a blunder in a public place, or simply at home… everyone has experienced it.
Moreover, it is human nature to compare oneself to others. This action can motivate us to do better or have the opposite effect. As a result, you will feel bad about your friend, colleague, or family.
But know that if you get rid of this feeling as soon as possible, your self-esteem will be boosted.
In this article, we will try to understand this feeling of insignificance and give you some tips to regain your self-confidence.
Feeling bad: Is it a prejudice or a rule of life?
In extreme cases, you are convinced that you have always sucked, are sucking now, and will continue to suck in the future.
This belief is powerful and destructive but also tricky to change and will influence all your thoughts and actions. This belief can be called a “prejudice.”
Indeed, it is a value judgment, a hard statement that does not allow any discussion: “I suck and that’s that, period!”
However, there are also rules of life that will be formulated as follows: “I won’t suck if I can do this or that…” These rules of life are already less harmful since you put a condition on your feeling of insignificance.
Therefore, you can also formulate them in the following way: “I won’t suck when I do this…” In this case, that’s a way out.
The problem is that your judgments about yourself will be influenced by thinking mechanisms that filter information in a biased way.
In effect, you are convinced that you suck, and you interpret everything that happens in your life in a certain way to confirm this belief.
The origins of feeling like a nobody
The origins of this prejudice are ancient and are often linked to education.
Examples include families who like to criticize, who punish excessively, or parents who have made it seem like you always disappoint them.
In some cases, this prejudice of invalidity may also result from past sexual abuse or a moment of rejection.
How does this prejudice persist?
Sustaining factors exist either within you through thought mechanisms or in your environment.
In the last case, you tend to choose spouses or friends who will keep you in your state of insignificance.
Either because you judge them to be better than you or because they are people who need to dominate to give themselves value and who will leave you with a low status.
Be aware that if your speech is very pessimistic about yourself, even with caring people, it will make them think you really suck!
On a professional level, feeling like a nobody will influence your job choice. You will tend to select jobs below your competencies, deny everything you do well and never put yourself forward.
Certain complications can also keep you in this prejudice and can sometimes lead to severe depression.
Depression is a psychological disorder that is accompanied by a loss of your physical and mental abilities by only reinforcing sentiments of self-doubt and shame.
This disease can affect your professional life, leading you to stop working and your relational life by isolating you.
If you are suffering from depression, it is sometimes necessary to consult a specialist.
The three thinking mechanisms
When you feel like you suck, you are subject to thought mechanisms that will work as filters through which you see reality. These three thinking mechanisms are as follows:
Exaggerating the negative
This thought leads you to overestimate everything negatively.
Whether it’s your mistakes or your shortcomings, you see them everywhere and dramatize them.
Minimizing the positive
You minimize everything you do well but also your successes. Moreover, you also minimize your qualities by denying them and don’t hear the compliments you receive.
Generalizing single events
When you make a mistake or criticize, you tend to generalize using words like “always” or “never.”
For example, you would say: “I am a loser, I’ll always suck because I can never get anything done! It’s always the same, I can’t…”
This generalization covers different areas of expertise. For example, when you make a mistake in your work, you would consider yourself a failure.
Moreover, this generalization is temporal. Indeed, suppose you have, for example, disappointed one of your friends. Then you will probably think that you have always been bad at friendships; it has always been the case and will always be so in the future (you think the search for love and friendship will remain just as hard in the future).
These three thought mechanisms, when combined, will lead you to have a vision of yourself that is completely distorted. Indeed, you will tend to have a pessimistic overall opinion of yourself.
Negative thoughts and failure behaviors
The harmful thought mechanisms and negative emotions you experience will cause your performance to falter.
Indeed, you may not be prepared enough for certain situations, and sometimes you may even avoid facing them.
These failure behaviors will close the vicious circle permanently by confirming your initial prejudice of thinking that you suck.
I am a loser: Tips to regain your confidence
Even if you feel like crap, there are ways to boost your confidence:
- Leave aside negative views of yourself in judging behaviors, actions, strengths and weaknesses. Be aware of your qualities.
- Avoid oppositions and comparisons: no vs. perfect or good vs. bad.
- Fight your inner critical voice. It destroys you slowly while damaging your self-esteem. Impose a human inner voice to counterbalance.
- And finally, get out of your failure behaviors. Act differently, so you have more positive experiences, a positive perception of yourself, or more frequent positive feedback from others.
I am a loser: Conclusion
This idea of being a nobody or a loser leads to negative emotions about yourself.
You are ashamed of yourself, doubt before doing anything, become anxious, and are not at ease when facing life situations.
This feeling is only a judgment about yourself, only words, and nothing shows in fact that you suck.
Know that there are solutions to boost your self-esteem, including becoming aware of your qualities and the positive things you do daily.